Each week, I usually come up with a “post schedule” for blogging. I always have a million ideas in my head chugging around. I carry a notebook with me at all times and probably have 10 lists titled “Blog post topics.” A lot of the time, those topics are never written about, though.
I have no idea what was on the schedule for today, but I’m ditching it to stay in line with my goal this year of staying true to myself. Firstly though, thanks to everyone for the congratulations and supportive comments about my upcoming marathon. Marathon. How cool is it say that word and own it? And know it’s my marathon? It’s my goal now. Ahh, it’s still so new that I’m quite enamored by it all.
Secondly, I feel that because of the demands from work and running right now, blogging may change even more than I realized (aka: not getting to blog as often). I’m writing this post right now in my bathrobe. I have a splitting headache from tweaking my neck from a workout and a long day at work. I really just want to jump in the bath, relax, and call it a night before I wake up at 5:30 am to drag my butt to the gym. So, since that’s what I want to do, I’m going to go do it.
But a lot of nights, I stay up on my blog trying to craft a post for the next day instead of just going to bed or, I don’t know – relaxing? I seriously feel like relaxation has been a thing of the past for the whole year. Too often, I let my perfection-work-too-hard-never-stop self slave away to tasks when my mind is really saying “Noooo! Why are you doing this?” and hating every second of it.
Trust me, I am not hating every second of writing a blog post (if time would permit, I would be here all the time. Did I mention those blog topic lists?). But I am hating how anxious I am lately. I hate how I strive to live a balance life, and yet my whole life feels out of balance whenever I am at home.
I’m either prepping for the next day, worrying about the next day, cleaning the house, worrying about cleaning the house, trying to blog, worrying about not blogging enough. Do you see the pattern here? While I think I do have a lot on my plate, a lot of what I feel is related to anxiety.
For right now, I feel the best way to go about my time is to spend it how I want. That may sound odd, but it’s actually very powerful for me. A lot of the time I spend is doing things I “think” need to be done “now.” However, cleaning at 10:30 pm is not really something that needs to be done at all or at that time.
Essentially, I’m trying and learning every day how to release myself from the self-imposed demands that I’ve put on my life. “Now” and what “needs to be done” are up to me. Not up to my inner slave driver that tends to take over at times… Reminding myself of that – that I am the one in charge and not my feelings – is a great relief.
With that, I’m going to draw a bath, enjoy it, and hopefully get some rest before another busy day. Remember: you are the one calling the shots, not your expectations, your fears, worries, doubts, or insecurity. Just you.
Questions for You:
- What areas of your life do you tend to get “slave driver” on yourself? Work? Home life? Eating habits? Exercising?
- How much of your time is spent doing what you actually want to do over time spent worrying, feeling panicked, or fretting over things?