Whew, life has just been… busy, overscheduled, and too full to really find a good rhythm or much meaning out of things. Do you ever feel like that?
It’s been an interesting transition for me, moving to Hawaii, having to find a whole new set of friends and rhythms and things to do. The problem I’m faced with most is not that I haven’t found anyone or anything to do. It’s that there’s so much.
At times, I’m really grateful there seems to be no shortage of opportunities to hang out with people, have play dates, or fun things to do on the weekends.
Other times, more often than not, my head is just spinning at the thought of having to choose “what do we do today?” Maybe that sounds really silly, like “Girl are you kidding, be grateful you have options.” But there’s just something about life right now that feels nothing like it did even a year or two ago.
Literally everything is reliant on social media now. Usually it feels like it’s blowing up in my face. My notifications usually look like:
- an email from something I don’t remember subscribing to, that I’ve unsubscribed to multiple times but am still getting
- 17 event invites on Facebook, 10 of which are for a running group I don’t go to that often, and another few of which are from people who hardly know me
- 3 Facebook messages, a friend just wanting to talk, a group chat I have for my MOPs group, and a client of mine confirming a session
If I leave my computer open, there’s the constant ping noises from Facebook. If I leave my phone on a table, it’s like it’s always vibrating. Truthfully, I have most notifications turned off because they drive me crazy. But I still have to log onto email or Facebook and see the notifications or messages so it still kind of drives me crazy.
As for our schedule, it’s just been impossible to nail down. Sometimes I have so much anxiety about all the things we could do that I just choose to do nothing at all and stay home.
Right now, my priorities are taking the girls to a play morning at a local preschool two days a week that has lots of toys, circle time and a craft (not actual preschool though). However, if I prioritize that, I miss out on my favorite gym classes because they’re at the same times. But all of these activities seem to be right when Stella would normally take a really good morning nap if we stay home. A lot of the time lately, I just stay home in the morning to let her nap instead of try to do outings and realize she’s so cranky and tired at the end of it.
Then there’s friends. I love that there are so many options for friends or other kids for my girls to play with. What I don’t love is how hard it is to ever make that happen. I think I have a running list of about 5 people who always want to hang out, but our schedules clash, or when they don’t our kids happen to be sick that day. It’s just a lot harder than I thought it would be to cultivate deeper friendships now that I have kids. And sometimes even when you do get together with those people, well, your kids are around so actually having conversation is sometimes very limited in between all the “don’t hit your brothers” and “no, you can’t have more fruit snacks.”
Overall, it just feels like there are too many things. Too many things vying for my attention. I am a people pleaser, so when I see an invite, I have all these things attached to it that makes it difficult to say no. With so many invites, I feel like I let people down if I don’t go. But I know in reality, there are tons of other people not going to things too. We all have lives. So why would anyone single me out? But it just feels like I could disappoint someone. It’s also easy to think I have more time than I do. Suddenly I’ll open my planner up to a week and see all the things I have written down and go, wow, whose idea was this?! But it was mine. I just didn’t consider everything else that was going on.
I really don’t know if I’m getting my point across well (it’s late as I write this). I used to thrive on a schedule and do much better knowing what to expect. Lately it feels more like I’m struggling to create a schedule every single week and it usually fails because someone has a tantrum, someone is sick, we are too late, someone needs a nap, or heck – life is just too much right now and I just can’t muster the energy to even go out.
With Stella being 7 months old already, I definitely thought we’d be a little more with it than we are. I do get out of the house plenty and feel like I’m used to two kids and what it means to balance all the bags, car seats, shoes, sippy cups, coffee, and energy it takes to get us out the door. I thought I’d be able to better balance a schedule that includes taking care of Claire’s needs (play dates, park time, etc.) with my needs (the gym, socializing, etc.). It still feels so unbalanced. We either do nothing for a few days or do ALL THE THINGS for a few days. It’s like there’s no in between and it’s weird. Or one outing will just seem like a monumental effort.
I just remember feeling around 6 ish months out with Claire really feeling more “normal.” Everything has gone much slower with a second child though, at least in terms of resuming a new normal. Fitness was the first thing on my mind after having Claire but this time around, I haven’t lost any of the baby weight and still loathe working out. It’s just interesting that even though I’ve been through this before, I still have literally no idea what I’m doing. It never turns out like it did the time before. It’s just a constant flux of winging it.
Sometimes I just keep waiting for the busy to stop, but I remember that I’m in control. It’s scary to remember that because then when you look at your life and realize it’s not at all what you want it to look like, that’s on you. Not anybody else. I definitely need to go back to saying big fat NO to a lot of things and realizing that it’s not personal – it’s for my own good. And giving my life a much better yes than I am right now.
At the end of the day, if the girls are alive and we’ve eaten some food, and the house isn’t a complete and total wreck – I really do feel like we’re doing okay. It’s hard to not have expectations in this season of life, especially when what I see on a day to day basis is “everyone else” having it all together. I know a better schedule will come with time. These are just the struggles I’ve been grappling with as I still figure out this whole being a mom while still trying to be myself, maintain sanity, and run a business!
Questions for You:
- What about busy, being overscheduled, or too much social media resonates with you?
- Do you feel like you control your life well or not?