Yesterday turned out to be a “mental health” day for me. I was utterly exhausted, felt like I had been working all week but really didn’t accomplish much, and I had a horrible neck/headache to top it all off. I actually took two naps of about 2 hours each, which means I must really need my rest. I took the day easy, got coffee with some girlfriends, and cuddled up to a new book. Definitely some good R&R goin’ on there.
Since yesterday was the start of a new month, I did a lot of thinking about what I want my goals for the month to be and just about what I want my life to be like in general. Summer has been such an all-over-the-place season for me this year with lots of adjusting. I feel like a broken record every time I mentioned I’m busy & exhausted. And yesterday, I just kind of had it with all that.
Busy? Tired? Trying to do it all? Yeah… I think I’m good without all that for a while. Or forever?
I love setting goals and working toward new things, but I am feeling called to a season of rest from the Lord. I’m feeling called to actually be with Him and prioritize my relationship with Him. It has been compromised lately, and the guilt I feel from not being consistent keeps me from Him even further. And the busyness that consumes far too much of my time keeps me on the perpetual hamster wheel of living a life that He doesn’t intend.
My “Year of resolutions” goal for this month is to give up worry. And, as I could have guessed when I wrote that goal 8 months ago, now is a time when I really need to revisit my struggles and idolization of worry, anxiety, doubt, and insecurity. But as I was talking to my husband about all this last night, I realize that I do one of two things when I have goals to reduce my stress. I either one, make relaxing time a to-do list item, sucking all the fun out of it and making it seem like a chore. Or two, try to relax so much that I do absolutely nothing at all, and ignore all the chores I really need to do. It’s hard for me to find balance, but that’s what I hope to achieve this month.
With that said, I’m not making any crazy goals this month. I have my half-marathon tomorrow, but after that, I want this month to be free of fitness goals. Of course I’ll work out, but I’m not training anymore, so I want a workout routine that requires less discipline and more yoga. The only real concrete goal I have set is to finish the new book I’ve started, Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World. I bought this book years ago, so excited to read it, knowing it was exactly what I needed. I’ve managed to read about half of it before, but my heart was never really in it.
The Martha World
The whole book is based on the short story in Luke 10 about two sisters, Mary & Martha. Mary is sitting at Jesus’ feet while Martha is busy trying to prepare a meal for the Messiah and his tribe of disciples. Martha insists that Mary help her, demanding of Jesus that he tell her to come to her aid. But Jesus rebukes her and says, “Mary has chosen what is better.”
There is a section of the first chapter called “The Martha World.” And I realize that that’s the world I’m living in right now. I’m living in a world where I am demanding of God, “Make my life not so hard! Can’t you see all I’m doing down here?!” As if He doesn’t know everything already. But all this time, He has been saying I’m choosing the wrong thing – to prioritize to-do lists and busyness over the peace of resting with Him & being in His presence.
Being a “doer” and having a type A personality, it’s hard for me to rest. Having anxiety about things in my life only makes it harder. I just want this month to be about making progress in those areas and giving them up to the Lord. I know He can change my habits and my heart. I just have to let Him!
Plans this Month
My plan is to rest, but August is going to be another pretty busy month. This month I have…
- my in-laws coming to visit next week. So excited to spend time with them! I adore my in-laws 🙂
- a camping trip the weekend after with some of the hubby’s work friends
- a couple of Mary Kay parties
- Another customer appreciation event (or two)
- I’m hosting a 31 Gifts party for my friend who just started up her own business in that
- another girl’s book club
When I write all that down, it definitely doesn’t sound out of control or too busy. But it’s still plans. I know I’ll keep busy this month, but I’m trying to go into August with a calm mindset, bringing clarity and freshness to my stale “busy” mindset of the past.
Questions for You:
- Are you or have you lived in the “Martha World?” What made or would make you choose to leave it?
- What are your plans or goals for the month?