Hey gang – hope you had a spendid weekend!
My weekend was pretty good but felt quite short again. We just stayed in Friday and ordered pizza – best desicion ever after a long week.
Then my hubs & I went out Saturday to the Museum of Science in Boston. I could easily spend all day there multiple times. There’s so many neat things there. Including this Boston proud dinosaur.
Sunday was again another jam-packed day at church. Sunday nights for the past 5 weeks, I’ve been taking a class called Redemption Groups. Yesterday was the last day of the class.
Most of last week, I was really struggling in general but also with thoughts about this class. When I signed up for the class, I wasn’t working. I had lofty ideas that I’d be able to really spend time investing in the class, making the most of it (or in perfectionist speak, making it perfect 😉 ). But that didn’t happen, at all. In fact, the experience with this class was basically the opposite of what I envisioned it to be.
But don’t worry. I learned something from it. I definitely idealized way too much about what this class would be like, creating really high expectations for myself. And in reality, I didn’t even finish the book assigned to me for this class. I got about half way through it. I didn’t make time for all the prayer I thought I would want to do. I didn’t make lists of the sin I want to get over and how I want to deal with it.
Nope, none of that happened. I just did what I could. I felt the presence of God with me through the whole imperfect thing. I didn’t get miraculously healed or “over” all my sin or issues. I didn’t even talk about some of the issues I thought I would. And I talked a lot about issues I didn’t even realize were still issues.
Yes, it was a very different experience than I thought it would be. And that’s because that’s what God had in store for me. My expectations were not lined up with His when I started the class. And by the end of it, I was pretty disappointed that I didn’t “make the most of it.”
It’s very hard for me to let go of wanting to try really hard and do my best with stuff like this. I always want to do so much out of goodness, but then get frustrated when I fall short out of my desire for perfection. It’s amazing how quickly good can turn bad.
But I didn’t quit. And God was still there.
Overall, I learned some really big things, that, despite how imperfect the class situation may have looked, was so worth learning. I learned:
- that I was ultimately believing that I had to save myself instead of relying on the power of Jesus to save me. I realize I had been put in many sitations where I had to rely on myself, so I was still relying on myself instead of God.
- that I was believing that healing would take too long to ever get done, or rather that healing was put on me instead of in God’s hands. This ties in with the first one. I realized that I was keeping myself from spending time with God to be healed from certain things because I believed that time was the key factor in healing, instead of His power.
- Now I know that healing can be done in 2 seconds if I just believe that He can do something for me. Time is not a restriction on the Lord’s power.
- I used this class to talk about the loss of a friend from over 4 years ago. I knew it would come up, but I had no idea how much I was still really not “over” it, and I used this time to greive again. He showed me that it’s okay that I am still not “over it” and that I was believing that I should be over it just because it’s been 4 years already.
- We were asked to ask God what He thinks of us. I wasn’t sure what this excercise would bring. But in prayer, immediately after asking, the first thing the Lord told me was that I was beautiful. And I just started crying. Mostly because I never knew he thought that about me, and also because I really wasn’t expecting that answer. I was expecting something along the lines of “you’re all right, I love you.” But that was so much more and so special.
This class was awesome and really broke through some lies that I was believing. This class also showed me a lot more truth about God – like that he’s okay with healing taking time and that he thinks I’m beautiful.
I did not do it perfectly, and I know He’s okay with that. God showed up so many times in so many unique ways throughout the past five weeks, and for that I am so grateful.
Questions for You:
- What experiences have you had that were the opposite or different than you expected but were still great anyway?
- Can you believe Thanksgiving is next week? I am so excited!