I somehow totally missed the boat on this post for last month. Oops! Last month being my first real time on my own with the girls and adjusting to it all, it went by so quickly and not a lot got done, including remembering to blog.
The past three weeks or so have been suuuuper hard for me. I’ve been hormonal to the max, confused about Stella’s eating and seemingly endless crying, and just kind of sad that life is about survival right now. I feel like it’s been a humbling wake up call (as I shared in Friday’s post) that I am so so limited. Everything has just seemed extremely overwhelming right now because I can’t keep all my normal balls afloat.
I know it’s so easy for other people to say “you’re doing such a great job!” But my goodness, I do not feel like I’m doing a great job. My perfectionsim has really been highlighted lately because I only feel like I’m doing a good job if the house is clean, the kids had a good day, we have a decent dinner on the table, and I had some time to myself all in one day. And let me tell you, that is like waiting for the stars to be aligned! I wish I wasn’t this way, but I’m just being honest.
It’s easy as an outsider to think “well you should expect these transitions to be hard,” and that I did. But it still doesn’t mean it’s fun or that I don’t wish things were different. I know we’ll get to some new normal eventually, but right now it’s been constant limbo land and I’m ready to move on to something else!
Reading // NOTHING. And I hate it! I’m in the middle of a bunch of books I started in March/April and just haven’t had any time or energy to pick them up. Boo.
Drinking // Extra coffee because team #nosleep (mostly from my toddler!).
Listening to // Podcasts! Finally. I have no idea why I avoided them for so long. I just didn’t know how easy it was to find stuff to listen to.
So far, I am listening to Risen Motherhood and the Motivating Mom podcast. I listen to them in the car to and from running errands if the girls are sleeping/quiet. It’s been so nice and given me some much needed perspective on motherhood.
Eating // No dairy, thanks to nursing. To be really honest, I said if one of our kids ever had a food allergy/issue with something during nursing that I would just give it up and use formula. But now that I’m here, I’m of course trying to do what’s “right” and “best.”
It hasn’t been that hard to give up actual dairy like yogurt and I already don’t drink milk but use almond milk . I really want chocolate and ice cream though. I know I can find non-dairy alternatives, but they’re so expensive (and even more so with inflated Hawaii prices) that it’s kinda not worth it to me. Plus, I just want the real thing! I hate “fake” stuff.
I do notice that it’s not just dairy products but anything that contains milk in the ingredients label that bothers Stella so I really have to be careful. I’ve “cheated” a few times and I can definitely tell she’s not happy about it, so I’ve really gotta steer clear.
Wearing // The same stuff all the time (like the outfit below).
I put this in my currently posts to inspire me to post cute things I wear. Yeah, nope. Maybe wait a year and you might see some cute things pop up again. There is sadly nothing “cute” about a two month postpartum body that fits into NOTHING. #Ihateshorts
Loving // New head shots I got recently.
If this is not me in a nutshell, then I don’t know what is. I guess the mug could have a pineapple on it and then we’d be good.
And sorry to just have posted three pics of just myself. #narcissisticmuch
Craving // Routine. I either feel our schedule is too full or too empty and haven’t found that right balance of what to do each week with the girls and for myself. I’m trying not to care too much since our new normal has only been new for two months.
Wanting // Possibly a new layout for the blog. In case you didn’t know, I’ve actually had this same look for a year! A whole freaking year!
If you haven’t followed my blog for long, before it was known as Melissa in the Making, my previous titled blog Freeing Imperfections went under many, many layout changes. Probably 8 different looks in 4 years? I’m happy I’ve stuck with something but sometimes have the itch to redesign it again.
Bane of my Existence // Laundry and dishes. I feel like I am a slave to both and can run 3 loads of laundry and the dish washer every day!
Putting off // Organizing some stuff before we have guests next week, ordering prints for a gallery wall I want to make, & giving away my maternity clothes.
Happy about // Using this blog as an outlet. This may not be the happiest/easiest season of my life, but that’s when I love being able to dump my heart and mind here.
I really appreciate all the kind comments lately and anyone who has reached out to me in this tender postpartum time.
Scared to // Continue living without AC. I will melt. Seriously. Someone convince my husband we need it!
Looking forward to // Seeing Stella start to interact with Claire. Sleeping again someday.
Questions for You:
- What are you loving, eating, reading, or craving?
- Are you hard on yourself in transitions or do you do well with change?